Replacing Ribbons in The Altar Book

OK, I admit it. It's the little things that drive me crazy. And one of those little things was having an Altar Book with nearly non-existent ribbons. You know what I mean... You've had your parish's Altar Book since 1979 when the "new" Prayer Book was introduced. And over the ensuing 30 years of Proper Prefaces and Prayers A, B, C, D, the ribbons used to mark the pages in the Altar Book have slowly worn away until they are but frayed stubs of their former glory... There had to be a way to replace them, right?

Well, here's what I've come up with...

If you're lucky enough to live in New York, you can go to the Fashion District where there are stores that sell nothing but ribbon (and buttons, and zippers... you get the picture). I went to Mokuba on West 39th Street. While I was there, two internish/entry-level fashion types came into pick up orders for Proenza Schouler and Isaac Mizrahi, so I knew I was where the elite meet to buy ribbon. Armed with my tax-exempt form (which qualifies you as 'wholesale'), I asked for some 1/4" dark red silk satin ribbon. (1/4" wide ribbons is what comes with the Altar Book.) The salesperson talked me into some double-faced, polyester satin ribbon. She said this would work better and last longer. We compared it to the silk ribbon and the weight and feel of it was the same, so I went for it. We have two Altar Books, so I got seven yards of the ribbon. It cost about $20.

Next up, I was going to need some plastic needle point canvas. I sent the long-suffering Denton to Michael's craft store in New Jersey. He came back with two sheets of #7 plastic needle point canvas. The "#7" means that the canvas has 7 holes per inch of canvas. The binding of the Altar Book is just over an inch wide or so. I needed to replace all 6 ribbons, so 7 holes per inch would give me as many holes as I needed -- and would be the easiest to thread the ribbon through. This stuff is sold in craft and needlework stores just about everywhere. I tried to get some of the ribbon there, but the quality wasn't up to snuff.

Next, I cut a strip of the plastic canvas to 10 holes wide with a pair of ordinary scissors. This width is slightly larger that the binding on the Altar Book. By making it larger, I'm hoping that it will remain fairly stationary when the book is in use. So far, this seems to be the case.

I cut the ribbon into 6 strips of roughly equal length. Then I threaded the ribbons through 6 holes in the top row of the cavas strip, and knotted them tightly.

Then, having all the ribbons in place, I could cut them down to the same approximate length. I used our paper cutter as a surface and a box cutter for a cutting edge. The ribbon is tough to cut, and the new box cutter blade proved to be the best option. I cut the ribbons to about 18" long which is, as you'll see, a bit too long. I'm going to trim them down to about 15" I think... Then I slid the beribboned strip of plastic canvas into the binding of our Altar Book. For neatness sake, I put the strip of plastic in with the knots toward the binding. That way when in use, the ribbons will fold over the top edge of the plastic canvas, helping to camoflogue it a bit (see above).

Next I used a little fabric glue to bind the ends so they wouldn't fray. I tried to find something called Fray-Check at the craft store, but couldn't find it. The ribbons salesperson said that fabric glue would work as well.

The box cutter proved to be useful in cutting away the old ribbons -- and...

Voila!, The old Altar Book is like new... And, as you can see, those ribbons need to be trimmed back a bit, by about 2 or 3", but for Sunday, Easter 5, it did the trick!

(Thanks to Altar Guilder and all around acolylte Faith Abrams for the photos!)

The even better, new NO IRON method for starching clergy collars

We all know, you gotta look sharp to preach sharp. And now I've updated my clergy collar starching instructions with the results from my latest experiementation. Now, no ironing! See the 'how to starch clergy collars blog post below. Praise the lord, and pass the starch!

How to starch clerical collars

I was determined to figure this out. And I think I have. I combined some expertise from Wippell and from my mother-in-law, who has a lifetime of experience starching uniforms for a Senior Chief Petty Officer in the US Navy (aka my father-in-law). Here's my method:

Step 1: I wash my collars by hand in the sink. You can wash them with the whites in the regular laundry. But this way I can wash and starch them all in one fell swoop. I use a small brush to give them a quick scrub as well. And I use OxyClean or some other oxygen bleach based detergent -- as clorine bleach will eventually cause them to yellow.

Step 2: Next I use some bluing to make 'em superwhite. PROCEED WITH CAUTION HERE. This stuff will dye your collars blue in no time. So follow the instructions to the letter, and make sure you're following the 'tub rinse' instructions.

These collars were in the diluted-and-then-mixed bluing rinse for no more than 5-7 minutes. And then rinsed and rinsed, and then rinsed again. Even if you leave them in too long, repeated rinsing will probably get the bluing out of them. Once you're done rinsing, wring them out and set them aside.

Step 3: Next it's time to mix up the starch! I follow the instructions on the package for Heavy Starch -- with a few emendations. I add a bit more powdered starch (a couple of tablespoons more) and a bit less water (about a cup less) to make the starch mix as starchy as I can. You'll want to follow the rest of these instructions carefully though; adding first some cold water and then boiling water. Don't add the boiling water directly to the powdered starch, it'll just clump up.

I mix the starch in a plastic container, and then store the mixture in the refrigerator for the next time. A batch will last a few months. (Update: Well, it'll last several weeks at least. After a while, it will sour. So, keep it well refrigerated!)

Step 4: Soak the collars in the starch for about 10 or 15 minutes. This is a batch of liquid starch from a few weeks back that I've taken out of the fridge and brought to a boil on the stove. You want to put the collars in the starch when the starch is -- not actually boiling exactly -- but still hot. Notice how milkly white the mixture is. That's because it's got a higher starch to water ratio than the instructions recommend.

Step 5: Once you've taken the collars from the liquid starch let them cool for a few minutes. Then remove the excess starch with your fingers. Be sure to let them cool first. And wash those tongs really carefully when you're done. Denton hates starchy tongs.

Step 6: Then lay the collars flat on a smooth surface to dry. You'll want to smooth them out with your hands, working from the center outward. You'll squeeze out a bit more starch when you do this. Dry this up by dabbing with a paper towel. You can lay the collars out on anything, I suppose. I've heard that the toilet tank lid works well! This is the discarded glass door from an old stereo cabinet that we found in our apartment when we moved in.

Step 7: Leave the collars to dry overnight.

Important Update:

After some trial and error, I realized that if you leave the collars to dry completely, there's no need to iron them. In fact, they're better off dried and un-ironed. They stay stiffer for a longer period of time (no indecorous comments, please) if they're un-ironed. BTW, putting your sheet of glass, cookie sheet, drying surface of whatever kind on your good, old fashioned, hot-as-hell New York City radiator and they'll be dry in a couple of hours!

Updated Step 8: Once the collars are completely dry, peal them off the drying surface, and fold them along the seam.

Updated Step 9: Then store your collars in your Wippell collar box to keep them nice and round over the next couple of weeks. Or...

Store them in the alternate collar box aka a Chinese food container from Grand Szechuan on Ninth Avenue.

Three starched collars usually last me for two weeks or so (even with wearing them while riding my bike to and from work!) After the first wearing, they have that sort of Titus Presler je-ne-sais-quoi wrinkled look.

I'd say this whole process takes about half an hour to wash and starch -- and a few hours on the radiator, or overnight to dry. I don't mind it at all as -- as many of you know -- it's the one thing I do in the kitchen in the course of two or three weeks. And yes, I thank God for Denton Stargel every day.

And the big pay off is that cloth collars are so, so much more comfortable than plastic ones (which for some reason turn yellow on me...) So, at least for now, I'm a home-starching cloth collar-wearing Old Skool priest.

How to put on a rope girdle

A seminary classmate and fellow Episcopal priest who shall remain nameless (but whose initials are The Rev. Arianne Weeks) asked for some review on how to put on a rope girdle. And yes, it's a rope girdle, not a cincture. A cincture is that wide fabric belt that you use with your cassock. The following step-by-step photo instructions should be easy to follow for even the most vestiphobic out there.

Step 1: Double the rope girdle. (This is why the kindly Wippell salesperson tried to sell you one you thought was way to big for you... Always listen to your kindly Wippell salesperson from now on, OK??)

Step 2: Put your hand through the looped end of the doubled rope girdle.

Step 3: Make another loop in the rope girdle by folding it back over itself.

See?

Step 4: Then put the girdle around your waist while keeping your hand in the loop you've just made.
Step 5: And then pull the tasselled end of the rope girdle through the loop you made with your hand.

Step 6: Tighten up the rope girdle by allowing the loop to tighten around the end of the rope girdle you've just passed through it. This will make a slip knot that will resist coming loose at some embarrassing point in the liturgy like the anamnesis.

Step 7: Then take up the trailing ends of the rope girdle at about the midpoint.

Step 8: And pull them under the part of the rope girdle that goes around your waist at a point about 8 inches from the center slip knot.

Step 9: Now pull these new loops out a bit, over the part of the rope girdle thats encircling (in my case, barely) the waist.

Step 9 continued: So that you have two new loops hanging over the top of the belted portion of the rope girdle.

Step 10: Pull the tasselled ends of the rope girdle through the two new loops.

Step 11: And tighten these two new slip knots by pulling down on the tasselled ends -- and you now have two new loops hanging down from the rope girdle.

Step 12: Now pull the ends of your stole through the two loops that remain. And you're ready to rock it Old Skool!